美国人电话留言精选

美国人电话留言精选

中国家庭并不常用电话答录机（Answering
Machine),但在北美家庭，几乎家家都用。外来电话拨入时，若该电话号码的主人不在，就会让拨入者听到一段留言，这叫Answer。绝大多数的
Answer都是千篇一律的：说明主人不在，请拨入者留下简短信息及姓名电话号码等。

以下几则特别的Answer体现了美国人的幽默，你能体会出其幽默所在吗？

1) My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll
leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're
finished.

2) Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my
financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are
my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have
plenty of money.

3) Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can
talk to it instead. Wait for the beep（beep：主人的Answer讲完以后，Answer
Machine会发出一声beep,这时候来电话者就可以开始留言了。）.

4) Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with
one of these magnets（磁铁）.
注：通常情况下，来电话者面对录音讲话都不太自然，所以语言往往很急促，三句两句话就完了。这可苦坏了接听留言的主人，听多少遍都听不清留言者到底是谁，讲了些什么。对于母语非英文的人，这种感觉会更深。所以，以下这两段幽默干脆就首先告诉电话拨入者，我的Answer
Machine不好使，你且慢慢来。

5) Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just
eloped（私奔）with her tape deck（磁带驱动器）, so I'm stuck with taking her
calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message,
just hold it up to the phone.

6) Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding（墙板，壁板）, windows, or a hot
tub（浴盆）, and their carpets are clean. They give to
charity（慈善团体）through their office and do not need their picture taken.
If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get
back to you.

7) Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

8) This is not an answering machine -- this is a
telepathic（心灵感应术）thought- recording device. After the tone, think
about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can
reach you, and I'll think about returning your
call.注：tone：与对第3）句beep的注释含义完全一样，主人的Answer讲完以后，Answer
Machine会发出一声beep,这时候来电话者就可以开始留言了。

9) Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

10) If you are a burglar(夜贼), then we're probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably
aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.

11) You're growing tired. Your eyelids(眼皮) are getting heavy. You feel
very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower(毅力) and your
ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel
helplessly compelled to(感到无助而被迫做某事) leave your name, number, and a
message.

12) Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by
us.注：you have the right to remain
silent：电影电视里警察出示逮捕令时常讲的一句话。西方社会讲究人权，任何疑犯在未审判之前不得认为有罪，因而不能逼供、更不可拷打：他们有权保持沉默。

13) Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes
doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real
slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth,
we'll get back to you.